Beware the knees of March..

This picture contains no knees.

HEALTH WARNING.

The following story contains graphic pictures of naked knees that may offend some readers.

In March the weather warms up. It is the beginning of the knee season. March is a dangerous time for knees in the Medina as they are freshly out of winter hibernation and tend to be very white and attract attention to themselves. However, I will get to them in a moment.

Firstly. If, like me, you have spent time in the Fez Medina watching the tour parties, you will have seen the wonderful devices used to rally straying members of the flock.

The Japanese have beautiful flags on specially designed metal spikes. They probably have a battery secreted in the handle so that they can be used as an electric donkey prod if any of those pesky critters should get in their way.

The Americans have a tiny flag on a discrete stick as they feel it pays to keep a low profile. The stick, however, has a charge of mace secreted in the handle that can be used if any pesky Muslims get in their way.

The French, of course, follow a neatly furled umbrella. The Italians, appear to favour the stick approach, but with ribbons in the colours of Second Legion who last ruled this region a couple of thousand years ago.

The British? Excuse me? Follow a stick, or a spike or a flag? Not necessary! Which is why you see little groups of pasty-faced little Brits, lost, huddled in doorways consulting copies of the Lonely Planet guide.

All this I believed to be true. That is, until today. Now I know that all sticks or whatever are not equal and some indeed are not to rally the tourist hordes at all. No, they have a far more important role to play as I discovered.

Today I was people watching with my friend Karim the Third - I know several "Karims" so the numbering is important - when he screwed up his face and whispered, "Crazy knees". For a moment I thought I had misheard and he was trying to teach me some new phrase in Darija. He pointed to an approaching tour group and rolled his eyes. "Why do they dress like that in public?"

"Crazy Knees"

Then I got it. He was pointing to a set of white knees.

"The men in shorts," he said, taking a steadying gulp of his mint tea, "Moroccans think they look like they are in underwear for hammam."

"But," I protested, "They dress like that back where they come from."

Karim gave me a look that indicated that he thought I was as mad as a sun-struck donkey. "They are not back where they come from now. They are in Morocco."

I was about to debate the point when I noticed something else. The guide of this particular group was not carrying a flag, spike or ribbon bearing implement, but a paddle with a number on it. Number two.

Knee alert!

For a second the thought flashed through my head that I was watching an auction and he was bidding to buy one of the tourists - then I understood. It was a warning. He was not a guide, but a Knee Monitor and there were not one set of knees in his group, but two.

A knee-flasher in action

The Knee Monitor was warning us all to avert our gaze. "Beware this group for they have two pairs of exposed knees," I whispered to Karim. And he got it right away. More than that, he saw the second set before me and as one we averted our eyes - well, after taking the photograph, that is.

Personal Disclaimer.
It is to be sincerely hoped that the dear reader appreciates the moral danger I put myself through in order to bring you this story. While I did look at knees, I want it known that I suffer from no strange knee fetish and was simply observing for journalistic reasons.

Should you feel distressed, please scroll to the top of this story where there is a knee-free picture to help calm your nerves.

"Don't look behind me madam, that way there be knees."

Tags: Moroccan Morocco Fes, Maghreb news